Believe Again
by lateBloomer04
Summary: Here's a series of shipper oneshots about Mulder and Scully in celebration of the upcoming movie, The X-Files:I Want To Believe! One - Truth. Two - Teacup. Three - Game. Four - Flashlight. Five - Speedo. Warning: These can get pretty silly!
1. Truth

Disclaimer: Mulder, and Scully don't belong to me – good ol' Chris Carter created them. The X-Files universe also belongs to 1013 Productions.

A/N: This is the first in a series of FUN oneshots that my X-Phile buddy and I will be challenging each other to write. I won't be able to do one super often, but I will update as much as I can. This is a sort of a pre-movie excitement builder for me, so if some of them are silly… that's why. It will be a nice change of pace for me from PotC, which is my main fandom right now. Anyways, I hope you enjoy these, and don't forget to go and see The X-Files 2: I Want To Believe when it comes out in theatres on July 25th. The trailer just came out and boy does it look awesome!! I can't tell much about the actual plot of the movie, but XF has always been vague on those details so I'm not worried. It did look like they were about to kiss for one millisecond, which is always a good thing. The more X-Philes that show up to this movie, the greater the chance that Chris Carter will want to make a third movie, which might be about the mythology!! How friggin' cool would that be? This summer is gonna rock.

333

Truth

Scully nervously straightened her partner's outrageous neon green alien tie as they waited outside Skinner's office. Their boss had called them in for a meeting and she knew exactly what he was going to ask them. Rumors had been circulating around the Bureau that she and Mulder were 'involved', which was of course strictly forbidden. Agents who had partners of the opposite sex were only allowed to have platonic relationships - that was the policy. Rumors were nothing new to the agents of the X-Files division, except this time, much to Scully's happiness, they were true.

"Assistant Director Skinner will see you now," the blonde secretary announced, holding the door open to the interrogation pit of hell. Mulder and Scully reluctantly entered his office.

"Have a seat," Skinner growled, gracing them with a knowing glare. Mulder and Scully sat. "Well?" He bellowed. "Are you or aren't you?"

"Are we what, sir?" Mulder asked, his tone polite and his expression a subtle smirk. Scully inwardly groaned - this was no time for any of Mulder's flippant remarks! Skinner cut right to the chase.

"Agent Mulder, are you and Agent Scully involved in a sexual relationship?" Scully glanced warily at her lover. She had previously coached him on what to say, and she hoped that he stuck to it.

"The truth is, sir..." Mulder began. The redhead crossed her fingers under her chair, praying that he would remember the details of their argument that they were _not_, in fact, involved. "I've loved Agent Scully ever since our first case together." _WHAT?_

And then he kissed her, much to Scully's mortification. It irked her even further that she couldn't immediately pull away. When she finally did, Scully glowered at Mulder, and stepped down on his right foot. Hard. As her partner howled in pain, she turned back to Skinner, her cheeks glowing crimson. Grimacing, the female agent tried to apologize for their inappropriate behavior.

"I'm sorry you had to witness that -"

"Blatant Public Display of Affection?" Skinner supplied. She winced.

"Yes. I'll just go pack my things now - it was nice working for you, sir."

"Hold it, Agent Scully." Skinner grabbed her arm before she could leave. "I'm not firing you."

"You... you're not?" she stammered. Skinner chuckled.

"No. You and Mulder are two of my best agents; I'd hate to lose you. I only called you in here so it looks like I'm following procedure. If my superiors ask what you said, I'll tell them that you denied everything."

"Thank you, sir," Scully exclaimed, stunned by this interesting turn of events.

"Yeah, thanks," Mulder chimed in after one look at his love, wanting to protect his other foot.

"Goodbye," Skinner said pointedly, which was his way of dismissing them. Mulder and Scully didn't have to be told twice.

333

"Mulder, what were you thinking?" Scully exploded once they had reached the safety of their dreary basement office. "You could've cost us our jobs! But instead you exposed us to Skinner."

"I didn't expose us," said Mulder with a wink. "There was no removing of clothing, if I recall."

"Mulder! Is that really all you think about? I meant that you exposed our relationship that we agreed to keep secret!" Scully fumed at him, wondering why he had risked their job security. This wasn't usually like Mulder at all! He'd better have a reason, and a damn good one at that…

"I knew we could get away with it," Mulder said smugly.

"Why would you say that?" She asked, folding her arms.

"Because I know Skinner," said her partner. "He told me a long time ago I was a fool if I let the Bureau's restrictions get in the way of how I felt about you. So, sometimes, it really does pay to tell the truth."

"Haha," she said sarcastically. "I just wish that we had done that sooner."

"Well, Agent Scully, I'm more than willing to make up for lost time," Mulder said in a low voice. Hare dare he use _that_ voice at work! Just for that, she had the perfect payback in mind.

"Are you now?" She said, amused. "That's too bad, because I'm afraid you'll just have to wait until tonight for that. Now if you excuse me…" Scully reached into the file cabinet beside her, grabbed a random X-File and pretended to peruse it with interest.

"Oh, come on, Dana," Mulder said seductively. "What's to stop us from doing it right here?"

"For one thing, Mulder, I'm not in the mood," she said, her voice frosty. She still hadn't forgiven him for the Skinner incident, but even so, she was lying through her teeth. Just being in the same room with Mulder made her wild with desire…

"I don't buy that for a second," he laughed, causing her to look up from the file in annoyance. "The truth is out there, Scully, but so are the lies."

FIN

A/N: Okay okay, so this one was kinda silly. ;) But boy is it fun to be writing about X-Files! I will definitely be writing more of these. Stay tuned! Can you tell I'm a shipper?


	2. Teacup

Disclaimer: Mulder, and Scully don't belong to me – good ol' Chris Carter created them. The X-Files universe also belongs to 1013 Productions.

A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed my first oneshot! My buddy Allyson and I are picking random words (well in this case, it's not so random for those who get what I mean) and writing XF oneshots about them. It's just all in good fun. I can't believe there are less than two months until XF2 comes out! Wheeeee. Hope you like this one.

333

Teacup

"But Scully, why do we have to go to your mom's stupid tea party?" Mulder whined as Scully backed their crimson Ford Taurus out of their drive. "I don't even_ like_ tea! Coffee tastes much better. Why couldn't she have a coffee party instead?" Scully rolled her eyes.

"Because, Mulder, this tea party is a family tradition that we Scullys carry on each year in celebration of my maternal English grandmother's life. She passed away twenty-five years ago."

"Oh," Mulder said sheepishly. "I guess coffee is out, then." He paused for a second, as if processing something. "Wait… did you say _Scullys_, as in more than just you and your mom?" Scully sighed, and wondered why she'd even bothered to bring him at all. Then she remembered her mother's insistence that she bring Fox. Her mother had always liked Mulder, even when they'd just been FBI partners and not lovers as they were now. Maggie Scully always went out of her way to make Mulder feel included in the Scully family, which Dana greatly appreciated. After all, Mulder was her family now.

"Yes, Mulder, there will be more than just two Scullys at the party. That's usually what happens at a party, many people are invited." Mulder paled at that.

"I thought it was just going to be us, your mom, and some of her book club friends or something. You didn't tell me the rest of the family was coming!" Scully shook her head.

"What part of family tradition did you not understand?" Honestly, he astounded her sometimes. Mulder was known in the Bureau for his brilliant photographic memory and for his immaculate attention to detail, but sometimes he could barely keep his mind focused on a simple conversation. Her partner grimaced at her answer.

"Bill's not going to be there, is he Scully?" She shrugged.

"More than likely he will be. His kids are always begging him and Tara to let them visit their grandmother."

"Great. Is it too late to turn around?"

"Mulder!" She cried, amused. "He's not that bad." Her lover coughed incredulously.

"Not that bad? Scully, your brother hates me!"

"He doesn't hate you," she insisted. "He just hasn't gotten used to the idea that we are together now."

"He hated me even when I was just your partner," Mulder reminded her. "He blamed me for Melissa's death, and for your abduction."

"That's true," she admitted with a wince. Bill had never been exactly warm to any of her boyfriends, but he truly had it out for Mulder for some reason. "Look, as long as you don't provoke him, you should be fine. Just stay close to me – I won't let him bother you."

"He doesn't need any provoking to insult me," Mulder muttered. "All I do is look at him and you'd think I accused him of murder or something the way he reacts on the defensive."

"Mulder, all I'm asking is that you behave for an hour or so around Bill, and then we can leave," Scully placated him. "Please, for my mom?" Mulder sighed.

"Fine. So are there going to be snacks served along with the tea?"

"Mum serves tea sandwiches and shortbread." Mulder wrinkled his nose at that.

"That's not _real _snack food! Good thing I brought these." He produced a bag of David sunflower seeds and popped one in his mouth.

"Just don't bring them inside when we arrive," was all that Scully said.

333

_Scully Residence - Silver Spring, Maryland_

The pair of FBI agents finally arrived at Scully's mother's home just as the party was starting. Scully parked the car on the street, and they hurried up to front of the ranch-style house.

"You really owe me for this one," Mulder whispered as he stood smiling at the closed door. "I could be doing a million other things with my weekend, like watching baseball or hanging out with the Gunmen. But instead I'm here with you, about to drink tea with your bastard of a brother. I must really be crazy about you, Scully." She laughed at that, knowing it was true.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise," she said sweetly through a smile of her own. Mulder frowned at that. How dare she tease him at a time like this! He was about to spend quality time with Scully's family and all he could think about was various ways she would go about repaying her debt to him, all of which had dirty connotations. He could just see her lounging on their bed, waiting for him as she wore his favorite…

"Fox! So glad you could make it." Mulder turned his attention to Maggie Scully, who was standing in the doorway, ready to welcome him with open arms. He smiled back half-heartedly, hoping that she couldn't read his current thoughts pertaining to her daughter.

"Hi, Mom. It's good to see you again," Mulder said with a grin, and he meant it. Maggie had long insisted that he call her 'Mom', especially after his own mother had killed herself. Mrs. Scully could somehow tell how vulnerable Mulder was when it came to the subject of family and had taken it upon herself to be a sort of mother to him. Maggie gave Mulder a big hug, which he wholeheartedly returned. Then he stepped out of the way so that Mrs. Scully could greet her daughter properly.

"Dana! You've never looked better," her mother complimented as she embraced her daughter. "I haven't seen you this happy since your father was alive." Scully blushed, knowing that her mother knew that the reason for her happiness was Mulder.

"Thanks, Mom," she said. "I feel happy." Mulder couldn't resist sliding his arm around her protectively at that moment. Maggie's eyes glistened with tears as she watched her daughter interact with Fox Mulder. It was obvious to anyone that they were deeply in love. She was thrilled that Dana had finally found her match in this intriguing man. Her husband would be so proud of his youngest daughter!

"Shall we go in?" As much as he wanted to, Mulder didn't argue or make a sarcastic remark. He really wanted that reward that Scully promised him, whatever it might be! Mrs. Scully ushered the couple inside the house in the direction of the living room, where the refreshments and guests were.

"Everyone, Fox and Dana are here!" Maggie announced. Mulder took a quick sweep of the room and found that Bill Scully was not present. Just then, the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," said the hostess. "Don't move, Dana, I still want to talk to you." And then she was gone, leaving Mulder in the middle of a room full of strangers and acquaintances. Scully rescued him, as she immediately recognized his panic look. Mulder never had been the best at handling himself in social situations, especially ones having to do with her family.

"Mulder, you remember my brother Charlie, don't you?" Relief coursed through his body as Scully steered him toward the brother who didn't hate his guts.

"Hey Charlie," Mulder greeted the tall redheaded man, shaking his hand. "How've you been?"

"I can't complain," said Charlie, shrugging. "Work has been going smoothly lately…" Scully watched as the conversation turned to baseball, something Mulder was well-versed about. Confident Mulder could handle himself with her easy-going younger brother, Scully stepped over to the refreshments table to snag two cups of tea. She returned to the conversation and passed one of the pink floral patterned china teacups to Mulder, who made a face. He watched as she and Charlie sipped their tea, and wondered what possessed them to do such a thing. He wondered if he was expected to drink too, and wondered what would happen if he didn't. Thankfully politeness won out in the end, and Mulder took a few sips of the bland beverage. It didn't taste terrible, but the bitterness just wasn't for him.

Charlie was speaking again, and Mulder was grateful to the man for keeping the discussion going.

"My girlfriend's finally moving in with me," said Charlie with a grin. "Speaking of which, aren't you two…"

"Yes, we are," said Mulder firmly. "We're together." Scully beamed up at him, snuggling up to Mulder's warmth.

"You were right, Charlie," said Scully. "He really does love me as much as I love him."

"Told you," said her brother with a smirk. "I could tell that even earlier than you could, and I've only met the guy once before." Suddenly the light-hearted atmosphere in the room vanished, only to be replaced by an uneasy tension. The guests quieted the moment the door to the living room was thrown open. Mulder knew who had entered at once, for only one man could kill the mood like that.

"Hello, Dana." Scully didn't have to look up to know that Bill had arrived, as his condescending tone gave him away. "Still with this loser?" Years of training with the FBI helped Scully to keep her cool around her hotheaded older brother. She knew she couldn't lash out at him, for it was what he wanted. But oh, how she wanted to! She wanted to make him pay for all of the hurt and guilt he'd caused Mulder to feel over the years for being in her life.

"Mulder and I are doing great, thanks for asking." She smiled grimly at her brother, who was soon joined by his wife Tara and two young children. Mulder's arm tightened around Scully's waist, and she prayed that he would stick to the plan. She needn't have worried – Mulder wasn't about to let himself be bested by Scully's brother.

"Hi, Bill," Mulder said, his tone neutral. Scully could tell he was trying so hard to be civil. "How's the Navy treating you these days?"

"It's interesting you should ask," said Bill through a tight lipped smile. "I'm actually being transferred closer to home, that way I can better protect my baby sister. I don't want her to be kidnapped and almost die again because she's still involved with you and your stupid quest." Mulder stiffened at the unspoken accusation.

"Matt, Char, go with your grandmother," Tara whispered. Maggie reluctantly left the room with her two grandchildren, not wanting them to witness the inevitable confrontation.

"Bill, let's talk about this outside," Scully insisted, not leaving Mulder's side for a second.

For a moment Scully thought that Bill was going to take a swing at Mulder in front of the guests, but he didn't. Instead her brother brushed past the crowd and out of the room in the direction of the back door. Mulder didn't really want to follow him, but he knew that he had to face Bill Scully sooner or later. The indecision lurked in Mulder's eyes, which his love picked up immediately. She took his hand in hers and pulled gently in the direction of the backyard. He had no choice but to go with her – wherever she led, he would follow. Scully took him through the kitchen and out the back door into their spacious backyard, complete with a pool and a swing set for the little ones. Taking a deep breath, the couple walked out to face Bill Scully.

"I was beginning to think you'd run like the coward you are," Bill said nastily, who was pacing the length of the patio, waiting for them.

"I'm not a coward, you are," Mulder growled. "You can't trust anyone but yourself to take care of Dana. I get that. But she's not thirteen anymore- she's thirty-three. And for some reason I can't understand, she chose me. That doesn't mean I'm going to keep her from seeing her family, it means just the opposite! Why can't you just be happy for us, for once?"

Scully bit her lip as a tingly warm feeling spread throughout her body. Even though it was just her overprotective stubborn brother, she got a thrill every time Mulder defended her, and their relationship. In the past she would've protested that she didn't need to be taken care of, but she held her tongue this time. This fight was between Bill and Mulder, and she was going to let them work it out between themselves, preferably without her in the middle. She squeezed her partner's hand in approval, and he squeezed back in reassurance that he had things under control.

"Why can't I be happy?" Bill bellowed, his eyes blazing with anger. "I can't be happy for you because you're all wrong for her. You've brainwashed her into believing in monsters and aliens and paranormal things that don't exist." Mulder chuckled to himself – if Bill only knew. Scully hardly ever believed in the things that they investigated. She was the skeptical one, which helped keep Mulder in check. It was one of the many reasons why they worked so well together. They were each other's balance, and once they had established a solid bond of trust, there was no stopping them

"That's not true at all," said Mulder, with a trace of annoyance. "If you bothered to keep up with your sister, you would know that."

"Don't tell me I don't keep up with my sister," Bill snarled, advancing towards Mulder with his fists clenched. "I know you don't love her. You're just using her skills to get ahead on your pathetic quest." Mulder bristled at the accusation.

"I love Dana more than you'll ever know," the dark-haired agent growled in a low voice that sent shivers up Scully's spine. She hadn't been worried about Mulder's temper until now. Bill had gone straight for the jugular, so to speak. He knew exactly what would get her partner all riled up. "I would never use her for anything," Mulder continued, his hand squeezing hers for all it was worth. "Can't you just accept that I'm a part of your family now, and let bygones be bygones?"

"You are not my family," Bill whispered. "You don't have the guts to marry her properly. Like I said, you're a coward." Mulder's blood boiled at that – Bill had no business intruding on their personal lives like that. The male Scully continued to advance towards Mulder, who protectively shoved his love behind him.

"Don't fight him," Scully whispered, praying that they could find a non-violent alternative for working out their differences.

"Like I want to," Mulder scoffed, his fists raised in self-defense. Just then an idea came to him, one that would most assuredly stop Bill from fighting him. "Hold this," he muttered, handing off his still full teacup to Scully. Mulder fished around in his pocket for a moment, and then found what he was looking for. He produced a small black box that held the engagement ring that he'd specifically picked out for Scully. Just before Bill could run him down, Mulder got down on one knee and proposed to the love of his life.

"Dana Katherine Scully, will you marry me?" Mulder's eyes glinted with mischief and Scully tried incredibly hard not to laugh. For he had proposed to her a week earlier and she'd happily accepted his offer. Mulder was just holding on to the ring for the moment until they decided when to formally announce their engagement. Scully had thought it was exciting to share this secret between her and Mulder, but it would have to be exposed sometime. Why not now?

"Yes, of course I will!" She exclaimed, pulling him up into a standing position. Out of the corner of their eyes, the couple could see that Bill had stopped dead in his tracks, his mouth gaping open in horrified shock. It was working! And then Scully did something she'd wanted to do in front of Bill for a long time; she kissed the love of her life squarely on the lips.

"No! This cannot be happening," Bill roared, finally coming to his senses. "I forbid it!!" Mulder and Scully pulled away, turned to the man, and sighed. Scully didn't know what else could be said at that point, so she just spoke her mind.

"Ugh, you are such an asshole," Scully growled, and she tossed what was left of Mulder's tea on her brother. The couple left Bill sputtering in indignation and dripping with tea in the backyard, opting for better company inside. Scrambling back into the warmth of the house, the federal agents returned to the party, and made a very important announcement. Needless to say, Maggie Scully was beside herself with joy. She'd long wanted to make Fox a true member of the family, and now it had actually happened!

"This is such a wonderful surprise," Maggie blubbered as she hugged a smiling Fox and Dana.

"Yeah, Bill thought so too," said Mulder with a snicker. Maggie turned to look outside and saw her eldest trying to cover the front of his pants, which were soaking wet. Had their announcement really caused him to pee in his pants?

"It's not what you think, Mom," said Scully, snorting with laughter. "I threw tea on him. He was being obnoxious."

"Well, he'll certainly have to learn to get along with Fox now," chortled Maggie. Scully and Mulder exchanged a doubtful look.

"I think it's best we leave him alone for now," said Scully. "Mulder and I had better go – we have something special planned for tonight."

"Oh?" Maggie said with a knowing smile. "Go on, then, you two. Call me when you get home, Dana!"

"Mom," Scully groaned. "I'll call you tomorrow."

Mulder also bid Mrs. Scully goodbye and they made a beeline for their car. Scully couldn't get away from there fast enough. She backed out of the drive, and headed in the direction of her home with Mulder.

333

_Five minutes later_

"So, do I get my reward tonight for behaving?" Mulder asked, rather seductively to her ears. She tried to ignore his velvet tone, and focus on the road.

"I guess so," said Scully with a wry smile. "You didn't fight with Bill. I'm very proud of you for that, Mulder."

"Thanks," he beamed. "But you on the other hand got rather aggressive with the tea. I think you'll have to be punished, Agent Scully."

"By you?" She asked and he nodded. She shivered again, but from excitement, not fear.

"Don't worry, Scully, I'll make it good for you." She could feel the heat, the tension crackling between them. It was enough to make her want to pull over for an 'emergency stop'. But she was a federal agent, she was responsible, she had mountains of self control; she was Dana Scully. She could make it until they got back to their apartment.

"I know you will, Mulder." And with that, Scully gunned the engine, pushing their vehicle as fast as it could safely go.

The End


	3. Game

Disclaimer: Mulder, and Scully don't belong to me – good ol' Chris Carter created them. The X-Files universe also belongs to 1013 Productions.

A/N: Thanks again to all of my fabulous reviewers! It's good to know people are taking an interest in my silly oneshots. I watched FTF with my roommate last night, and it got me psyched even more about XF2's release! I so can't wait. :D Those of you who have played Imaginiff (which isn't mine – it belongs to Buffalo Games) will especially appreciate this chapter! It's loaded with Mulder-innuendo, as usual and keeps up the goofy unifying theme with the rest.

Game

333

The FBI's two most irksome agents had just come home from work after a long, productive day in their basement office. They'd had cheese pizza and coke for dinner, which was one of Mulder's favorite meals. They'd just finished clearing the table and freezing the leftovers when Mulder turned to his lovely partner, with whom he was now deeply involved.

"Hey Scully, you wanna review the Nahrrington case?" Seeing as it wasn't quite dark out, Mulder thought that Scully would want to go over their latest case. However, he couldn't have been more wrong.

"No thanks - I'm not in the mood for work. Tonight, Mulder, I propose we play a game," said his petite, auburn-haired lover, shutting the freezer door behind her as she turned to face him.

"Ooh, that sounds like fun," he teased, waggling his eyebrows suggestively at her. "I've got just the game for you, Scully. Let's play 'how long can Mulder wait before he gives his partner the best sex of her life'?" Scully just shook her head at him and tried not to laugh.

"That's tempting, Mulder, but it's not the game I had in mind. Besides, that would be a completely pointless exercise - you would just forfeit the game and have me pinned to the bed in two seconds flat." And she truly _was_ tempted, that was the sad thing. But who could blame her? Mulder might be awkward at a great deal of things, but he wasn't that way in the bedroom – in fact, she found he was just the opposite of awkward. He was _gifted_. In more ways than one...

"You know me too well," he chuckled. "Ok, so that's out. Is it strip poker?" Mulder's eyes grew hopeful, but once again she dashed his hopes.

"No!" She exclaimed, her eyes glinting with amusement. "There is nothing remotely sexual about this game." His face fell, and he shot her the 'wounded puppy dog' look and jutted out his lower lip.

"That doesn't sound like much fun to me, Scully." She sighed.

"Tell you what – if you play this game with me for fifteen minutes, you can choose the next activity.

"Cool!" He said, his face lighting up at that. "I've already got something in mind."

"Mulder, you are so predictable," she said dryly.

"And you aren't," he shot back. "So, what is this mystery game of yours?" Scully walked over to the T.V. and took a blue box out of a plastic Kroger bag that was sitting atop it.

"Here, take a look," she said, handing it to him. "Nice, huh? I bought it to take with me when I baby-sit my niece and nephew next week, and I wanted to try it out with you." Mulder winced as he read the cover.

"Imaginiff? A board game? No offense, Scully, but the last time I played one of those was the night when Samantha was abducted."

"Come on, Mulder," she sighed. "Fifteen minutes of this and I'll let you do whatever you want with me." Suddenly motivated, Mulder eagerly yanked open the box, much like a child opening a present on Christmas Day. He set up the game while Scully silently read the directions. Mulder chose the purple game piece for Scully, and the red one for himself before he placed them on the board at start. Just as he finished shuffling the question cards, Scully finished scanning the instruction pamphlet.

"How do we play Imaginiff, Scully?" Mulder asked, determined to remain serious about this for her sake.

"It's quite simple," she said. "First, we choose eight people we know, and write their names on the blank spaces around the edge of the board."

"Eight people, huh?" He mused. "I suppose you should write us down." She complied, and wrote 'Mulder' and 'Scully' in two of the spaces.

"How about Skinner? I think we both know him pretty well," she said. Mulder nodded, and she added their boss's name to the board. "Any more suggestions?"

"Krycek, definitely Krycek." Mulder deadpanned. "As well as CGB Spender – they are musts." Scully gave him a strange look, but wrote their enemies down as Ratboy and Cigarette Smoking Man respectively.

"If we are going with evil human beings, I'm going to add Diana Fowley to the list." Mulder grimaced at that.

"Have some respect for the dead, Scully. Do we have to use Diana?" He whined. She chuckled at his hesitance.

"Why not? She's someone that we both knew."

"Oh fine," he sighed as Scully wrote down Diana's name. "We still have two people left," he reminded her.

"Pity it isn't three," Scully mused. "We could've added the Gunmen."

"Let's add at least one of them – you should put down Frohike. He still likes you, by the way." Scully rolled her eyes as she pictured the short grizzled man but wrote him down anyway.

"Ok, Mulder, we have one left."

"How about the Flukeman?" He kidded, receiving a glare.

"It has to be a real person, Mulder."

"How about Sheriff Hartwell?" Scully raised her eyebrows at him.

"The vampire from Texas?" Mulder nodded enthusiastically. "But Mulder, we don't even known him very well," said his partner, trying to dissuade him.

"He seemed to know you rather well," he teased. "He called you Dana, remember?"

"I remember," she sighed. "Ok; Sheriff Hartwell," she agreed, writing the vamp's name down. "That means we have everyone. Now we can get started!"

"Wait a minute, Scully," said the male agent. "The box says the game is meant to be played with three or more players. I guess that means we can't play!" She shook her head.

"Generally speaking, that's true. But we can try to beat the game." Mulder frowned at her as she added a green game piece to the board.

"Who is that supposed to be?"

"This piece is representing the game," Scully explained patiently. "For every question that we guess the same answer, we can move forward. But for everyone question we don't guess the same answer, this piece will move forward. Get it now?" He nodded.

"I guess we don't even need this one," said Mulder, removing the red piece from the board, "since we're playing as a team." Scully smiled, glad that he was understanding her rules.

"It's your roll, partner." Mulder rolled a six, and moved the neutral white piece six paces around the names until it landed on Skinner. He then drew the first question card.

"Ok, Scully, Imaginiff Skinner were a body part, what would he be?" She gave an unladylike snort at that. "Would he be one an elbow, two an ear, three a mouth, four a foot, five a nose, or six a tailbone?" Scully thought hard as she tried to think of not only what she would consider Skinner to be as a body part, but what _Mulder_ would consider Skinner to be. After all, the object of the game was to guess the same answer as him. Picking the most likely answer, Scully chose a card with the corresponding number.

"Alright, Mulder, you ready?" He nodded. "On three we'll show our cards – one, two, three!" Scully held up a three and Mulder held up a six, causing both of them to groan in dismay when Mulder moved the "opposing team" forward one space. "You think Skinner would be a tailbone?" Scully exclaimed, shaking her head at her partner's answer. "Why?"

"I dunno," Mulder shrugged. "I just picked the funniest answer."

"Ugh," she cried. "Mulder, the point of this game is for us to see how well we think alike! That was an easy one, or at least I thought so. Don't you think Skinner has a bit of a big mouth?"

"The thought hadn't crossed my mind," Mulder said with a straight face. "I'll tell him you think that the next time I see him."

"Mulder!" Scully whined. "I thought you were going to be serious."

"I know, I know," he sighed. "I'll do better next time, Scully; I promise. Let's try a new person." This time Scully rolled the dice, and moved the neutral piece accordingly to land on Diana Fowley. She quickly drew a card.

"Imaginiff Diana were a flying object. Which would she be? One a blimp, two a biplane, three a glider, four a Frisbee, five a lear jet, or six a brick." Scully decided to go with an honest answer on that one.

"Okay, show me your card," Mulder urged. She did, and once again, they had different answers. "Damn, we lost again. I can't believe you picked the stupid blimp!" He cried. "Geez, Scully, I didn't know you were that mean!" Scully shrugged.

"I can't help it if I didn't like her – she was all over you, half the time in front of me! I have every right to be mean."

"Aw, Scully, she was never right for me," said Mulder, trying to reassure the love of his life. "She was full of deceit and lies – I couldn't trust her. But you, I trust with my life." Scully grinned as Mulder leaned over to capture her lips. But when he tried to pull at her top, she swatted him away.

"Oh, no you don't! We've barely started the game. Besides, I want to know why you thought of Fowley as a biplane." Mulder smirked at her.

"Well, Scully, if you must know, there were some rumors that circulated around the Academy about Diana and another female agent." Scully rolled her eyes.

"God, Mulder, _please_ don't tell me that was why you were attracted to her." She knew all about his former porn habits, and having once thumbed through his video collection, tried not to think about one video that featured a redhead and a brunette. "You know what, don't answer that. I don't think I want to know," said Scully, shaking her head. Mulder was doing his absolute best trying not to laugh, but it was hard. Scully really had him pegged.

"No you don't want to know," he agreed, gracing her with a flirtatious grin. "Alright, enough of that." He rolled again, moved the piece to Frohike's name, and picked up a card which he read aloud. "Imaginiff Frohike were a movie – what would he be? One Terminator, two Titanic, three Grumpy Old Men, four Pirates of the Caribbean, five Star Wars, and six Schindler's List."

"I've got it," said Scully, reaching for number three. "Mulder, if you don't get this one, I'm going to have to move back into my old place on grounds of your lack of intelligence." Mulder chuckled, and showed her his card. It was number three.

"Yes!" She cried, moving their purple game piece forward one space. "We finally got one."

"I guess you have to stay with me now," said Mulder with a saucy wink. They both shared a loving smile. Scully really wanted to just abandon the game the way Mulder was looking at her, but she enjoyed making him wait too much.

"My turn!" Scully rolled a two, and landed on herself. She then picked up a question card.

"If I was a crime, what would I be? One homicide, two burglary, three jaywalking, four speeding, five arson, and six indecent exposure." Mulder grinned wickedly at her as he picked a card.

"Which one do you think I'm going to pick?"

"Mulder," she said with a hint of irritation, "the question is what crime would I be, not crime would_ you_ would want me to be."

"Awww," he whined, and changed his number. Much to Scully's relief, she found they had both picked jaywalking as her crime.

"Thank you," she said, moving their game piece forward. "I would never expose myself in public, Mulder. My body is for your viewing only." His dark green eyes sparkled at that.

"Good to know, Scully. But I might have to arrest you for indecent exposure, later. By the way, how much time is left until we can go at it?"

"Five minutes," she said, checking her watch. Mulder promptly rolled the dice, and got a number resulting in the CSM's space being chosen.

"Ok, Scully, Imaginiff Spender were a villain. Huh, that's ironic," Mulder thought, amused.

"Yes it is – continue," said Scully. "If the smoking man was a villain, which he is but that's beside the point, what are my choices?"

"One Dark Lord Sauron, two Darth Vader, three The Joker, four Adolf Hitler, five John Wilkes Booth, or six The Evil Stepmother?" Mulder pondered that one for a bit, frowning as his thoughts rested on the smoking man.

"I've got mine," said Scully, holding her card. "What about you, Mulder?" He nodded, and they flipped them over simultaneously.

"Hitler – we're getting better at this all the time," Mulder grinned wryly.

"Why did you choose Hitler, Mulder?" She asked.

"For the same reason you did, I imagine," said her lover. "The eugenics experiment on that train." She nodded, remembering the horrible things that CGB Spender and his consortium had done to those poor test subjects. That really wasn't something she wanted to think about right now, so she decided to get on with the game.

"Alright, last question," said Scully, shaking the dice and rolling. She ended up with Mulder as the last name of the night. "Imaginiff you, Mulder, were an animal, which would you be? One a giraffe, two a cat, three a monkey, four a beetle, five a fish, and six…" Scully trailed off. "I don't believe this," she groaned.

"What?" He asked. "What does it say?" She handed him the card so he could see for himself. "Six a… a fox," he said, guffawing now at the mention of his first name, which he absolutely loathed. "Scully, how about we call it quits?"

"Fine with me," she said, laughing along with him. Eventually she was able to calm herself as she and her lover put the game away. "I had fun tonight, Mulder," she smiled. "I'm sure the game is going to be a big hit with the kids."

"Oh, Scully, your fun is just beginning," he said in a low, sultry voice. "I've got an activity in mind that involves body parts, indecent exposure, and a Fox." She giggled softly as Mulder pulled her close.

"I love you. Thanks for humoring me, Mulder," she whispered as he kissed her forehead.

"Thanks for putting up with me," he replied. She grinned at him, and nibbled on his delectable lower lip.

"Anytime, Spooky. Anytime." And with that, Mulder quickly carried her upstairs for a long love-making session.

End


	4. Flashlight

Disclaimer: Mulder, and Scully don't belong to me – good ol' Chris Carter created them. The X-Files universe also belongs to 1013 Productions.

A/N: This one has huge spoilers for Hollywood A.D. Hope you enjoy!

333

Flashlight

"I _hate _mondays," Mulder complained as he and his partner stepped out of the FBI elevator on their boss's floor. "We've only been here ten minutes, and already we have a mountain of paperwork to wade through."

"I know, Mulder," Scully sympathized, patting his arm. "It's not fun. But maybe our meeting won't go as badly as you think it will."

"So Skinner's called us in to give us a pat on the back, has he?" Mulder said, not bothering to his sarcasm.

Mulder and Scully had been called to AD Skinner's office, but for what reason, they could not say. The secretary ushered them in, and the agents sat side by side facing Skinner's desk, waiting for the AD to come back from his meeting or wherever the hell he was.

"Whatever happens, we will get through this, Scully," he said fiercely. She nodded, and squeezed his hand, inwardly praying that Mulder was right.

"Of course we will, Mulder. It's what we do." She couldn't bear the thought of seeing the anguished look on her partner's face if Skinner informed them that the X-Files had been closed down for a _third_ time. But when they spied their boss in the hall talking with a very familiar man, both agents realized that this was far worse than anything they could've imagined.

"On second thought, I was wrong," Mulder muttered. For walking in with their boss, was the Annoying Hollywood Guy With The Cell Phone. He was wearing his sunglasses and leather jacket, and looked like he'd just stepped out of a Rogaine commercial.

"Hey, it's my two favorite agents! How's it hangin?" said the guy, walking into the office, and making himself at home in Skinner's chair. For the record, Skinner wasn't too pleased with this development, but he chose to let it go.

"How's it hangin?" Mulder repeated. "Did you mean literally or figuratively?" Scully smacked him in the arm at that, but Wayne didn't appear to notice.

"We're fine, thank you, Mr. Federman," said Scully, giving him a big fake smile.

"You remembered my name!" Wayne rejoiced. "Skinman, they remembered me!"

"How could we forget, Mr. Federman," said Mulder. He sounded genuinely happy about seeing the Hollywood producer again. Scully and Skinner knew better. "So what brings you back to the FBI? Did you come back to get some more 'flavor'?"

"Exactly," said Wayne, nodding.

"I was kidding," Mulder sighed. "You're not serious?"

"I am, Agent Mulder," said Wayne with a cheesy grin. "I'm here to gather new material for the sequel to The Lazarus Bowl!"

"What?" Scully cried, blanching at the thought of another movie being made that was inspired by her and Mulder's quest for the truth. "That was the crappiest movie ever made!"

"Ah, but it was a funny, crappy movie," Federman corrected her. "Those have been real sellouts these days - your story made my studio execs very happy."

"And so you've decided to take the only sensible next step - you make a sequel," deadpanned Mulder.

"Exactly," said Wayne, pleased he was being taken seriously. "Do you think I could-"

_Bringaringaring! Bringaringaring! _

"I've got to take this," Federman apologized. "Phil, hi! Can I call you back in... no! Scruffy got out _again_?! What the hell is wrong with you people? Scruffy is the star of our new doggie musical and you can't even keep _track_ of him? I ought to fire you right now!" Wayne finally had the decency to step out of Skinner's office, much to the threesome's relief.

"Sir, you can't do this to us again," Mulder whined. "We can't have him tagging along on another one of our cases."

"He almost jeopardized the last one," added Scully.

"I'm not assigning him to cover you two," said Skinner, much to their relief. "He just wants to ask you some questions about your previous cases, in hopes that inspiration for the sequel will strike him. After he's finished, he assured me he would leave."

"Couldn't we just deny him the rights to make a sequel about the movie 'loosely based' on us, and stop this nonsense right now?" Scully asked.

"Lighten up, Agent Scully," said Skinner, chuckling. "I want to see how the Mulder/Scully/Skinner love triangle ends up, don't you?"

"Oh that's very professional of you, sir," said Mulder, giving his boss a small glare. "Gee I wonder which one movie Scully is gonna pick, considering I'm being played by Garry Shandling, and you're being played by friggin' Richard Gere!" Scully, who had been doing so well up until that point, broke down with laughter."

"What now?" Mulder asked, completely confused as to what Scully thought was so funny. "What's so funny?"

"You, being played by Shandling!" Scully wheezed. "I was just remembering the movie, and you have to admit some parts are pretty funny."

"It was not funny at all," Mulder argued. "They made me look like a pansy."

"Mulder, you are a pansy," said Skinner. He winked at Scully, who started giggling again.

"This is great," Mulder sighed, sticking out his lower lip in an adorable pout. "My boss and my wife are out to humiliate me."

"Mulder, no!" Scully cried through her laughter, giving him a peck on the cheek. (That was all she dared to do in front of Skinner.) "We just find it amusing that the movie bothers you so much." Just then Wayne burst back into the room.

"They found Scruffy - he was taking a leak in the back of his trailer." Mulder glared at Skinner. They had to let this guy make another movie about them? What had they done to deserve this kind of torture? "My people are so incompetent," continued Federman, shaking his head in frustration. "Have you ever had that feeling, when someone is annoying you_ so_ much that just want to throttle them?"

"All the time," Mulder said sweetly.

"So you two ready to get down to business?" Wayne asked, suddenly back to his usual perky self. "I trust the Skinman has already given you the down low." Now it was Mulder's turn to snicker as Skinner assured his old buddy that he had in fact informed the agents of their duty. "Great!" Wayne enthused. "Let's get started. Okay, so we want to make a sequel to the Lazarus Bowl, and we want it to have even more laughs than the first one. I'm sure you've had to have some humorous moments while you were out in the field."

"A few, yes," said Scully, trying to think of a case the would appease the fellow as soon as possible. "There was the time that we investigated some murders in a small town in Texas and came across a troupe of what Mulder believed to be vampires."

"Believed? Ha!" Mulder scoffed. " They_ were_ vampires! Scully, you weren't there when-"

"Sorry, but vampires are funny how?" Wayne interrupted, much to Mulder's chagrin. "I don't see where you are going with this."

"Obviously," muttered Mulder. "What was funny was when Scully started hitting on the town sheriff who had big buck teeth!"

"Mulder, he didn't have buck teeth," Scully argued. "You just invented that part to feel better about yourself."

"Hmm, vamps... that might work," Wayne muttered. "How much was Skinner involved in this case?"

"Well, he called us back in to his office to go back to Dallas after he read our report," said Scully.

"I tried to plead that I was drugged, but it didn't help much," added Mulder.

"That's not enough time in the story for Skinner's character to have as much screen time as we'd like," the Hollywoodian mused, shaking his head as he tuned Mulder out. "We really want to play up the Skinner and Scully angle in this next one, as that's what audiences seemed to like." Mulder rolled his eyes, but managed to refrain from commenting. After all, he had Scully in real life. Who cared about some dumb movie?

"There was the time when I switched bodies with the guy from the CIA," volunteered Mulder. "It took awhile for Scully to believe what had happened, and for awhile she was stuck with that sleaze who looked like me."

"How much did you visit Skinner during that time?" Federman asked. Scully sighed.

"Look, Skinner is our boss. He's not usually out with us on our cases."

"I see," said Federman, frowning. "Oh! Have I got an idea," he cried, almost immediately.

"Can't wait to hear it," Mulder mumbled under his breath.

"What if it was_ Skinner_ who changed bodies with Mulder? That would make an interesting twist!"

"But that's not the way it happened at all!" Mulder protested. "What about the CIA hiding secret UFO tests? What about the truth!"

"Agent Mulder, in Hollywood, no one gives a damn about your so-called truth," said Wayne. "We want this movie to be entertaining, nothing more. This isn't an ad for your personal crusade." Mulder gave him a tightlipped smile, and said nothing, for he knew if he did, his mouth would get him in trouble. Skinner shifted in his reclaimed seat, embarrassed by the way his friend was treating Mulder.

"So Agent Scully," said Wayne, "How did this sleazeball convince you that he wasn't the real Mulder?"

"Well, he gave me a pat on the behind a couple times," said Scully, wincing as she remembered. "That was a big clue, but..."

"Pat on behind," said Wayne, speaking succinctly into his tape recorder. "Anything else, Agent Scully?"

"Yes," she said slowly, as if concentrating on the memory. "What really convinced me was when --"

"Scully, no," Mulder pleaded, knowing what she was about to say. "Not that! Anything but that."

"Sorry Mulder, he asked," said Scully, with a note of mischief in her voice. "You see, Mr. Federman, the man who was inhibiting Mulder's body was seducing women in every department," she explained. "So it was only a matter of time before he'd try to seduce me."

"Naturally! Skinner seducing Scully," Federman said into his tape recorder. "Interesting. Go on."

"When I arrived at Mulder's apartment one night to eat dinner with him, I was quickly shown Mulder's new bedroom. The man had cleared out Mulder's storage closet and instead replaced it with mood lighting, a stereo, and a waterbed.

"Waterbed," Federman mumbled into the recorder. "I like where this is going."

"I don't," moaned Mulder, but no one paid attention to him. Skinner was especially attentive, having never heard this story before.

"And so "Mulder" attempted to get me drunk on champagne," said Scully as she continued her tale. "I remember laying next to him on the water bed, looking up at my reflection from the overhead mirrors, thinking that Mulder had lost his mind. It was then that I was positive that the man who had called me earlier claiming to be my partner was in fact the real Mulder, and that the schmoozer before me was a fraud."

"Because the real agent Mulder wouldn't have the guts to try and seduce you?" Wayne asked.

"Can we please leave my guts out of it?" Mulder begged.

"No, because I knew the real Mulder wouldn't try to take advantage of me like that," said Scully, directing a warm smile her husband's way. Wayne smirked.

"Isn't that sweet of you, Mulder. It's good to know we have such an honorable agent on the force." Mulder lay his head on Skinner's desk and covered his ears, trying to block out the irritating voice that belonged to Wayne. "So Agent Scully, how did you escape from 'Mulder'?" Wayne prodded. "He could've overpowered you, I'm sure." She nodded.

"With that in mind, I suggested that we use my spare pair of handcuffs," said Scully. "Falling for the trick, he put them on and I pulled my gun on him." Federman looked like he was about to explode with joy.

"Handcuffs," he squealed into his recorder. "Well, agents, you've provided me with_ plenty_ of material to work with for the sequel. Thanks very much. I'll have my people call your people while the movie's in preproduction in case we have any further questions." He shook each of their hands in turn and started to move towards the door. Mulder finally looked up, thankful that the worst was over.

"Excuse me, Mr. Federman, but there is one detail about the love triangle that I'd like cleared up in the sequel," Scully called after him. Mulder turned to Scully in surprise - hadn't she teased him enough?

"What's that?" Federman asked. Scully grinned smugly.

"It's _Mulder_ who has the bigger flashlight." Suddenly Mulder's bad day didn't seem so terrible after all. It was the first and probably last time Scully would make any sort of sexual reference in front of Skinner, and Mulder was just thrilled that he was there to witness it!


	5. Speedo

Disclaimer: Mulder, and Scully don't belong to me – good ol' Chris Carter created them. The X-Files universe also belongs to 1013 Productions.

A/N: In this one, M&S visit the place where I went on vacation for a week this summer with my family! I've been to all the places mentioned in the story, and some of the plot is based on actual events!

333

Speedo

333

"We're going _where_?" Scully stared at Mulder in disbelief, wondering what he had up his sleeve this time. From the twinkle in his eyes, she could tell that he was keeping something from her, and she wanted to know what it was!

"Hilton Head Island, South Carolina," he repeated. "Skinner suggested that we check out this old unsolved murder case from the early '80s, and so I booked us two tickets today. The flight leaves in five hours."

"I don't know, Mulder, that sounds more like a vacation spot to me," she said, suspicious of his motives. "Are you sure this is an X-File?"

"Oh, fine," he sighed. "You caught me. We _are _going on vacation - for the weekend," he added hastily, seeing her frown. "Don't worry, I've already cleared it with the Skinman. As long as we're back by Monday, it won't be a problem."

"Mulder, are you out of your mind?!" Scully exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. "We can't just waltz off on a three day weekend vacation. We have a report on the Basham case to turn in! Not to mention we'd have to pay for the expenses out of our own pocket. Besides, nothing has been arranged! What about hotels and food and a car... and - and... _your fish!_ You'd have to get someone to feed your fish. So you see, it's not possible that we can go," she finished. "How did this ludicrous idea come into your head?"

"I just wanted to take you somewhere nice, since we didn't get to have a honeymoon," he said in a small voice. "I had something planned for that week, but the Murdock case ruined everything. So I'm making up for that now," he explained, his voice stronger now. "Everything has already been taken care of, Scully. The report, the lodgings, even my fish! All I need you to do now is to agree to go and thank me for being such a considerate husband."

"I- I don't know what to say," she stammered after a moment.

"Say you love me," he said with a big grin. She rolled her eyes at him, torn between being angry she wasn't consulted about this before or being thrilled that Mulder had actually planned a romantic getaway for them.

"Mulder, this is so unexpected; it's so unlike you!"

"I know," he said smugly, rocking back in his desk chair with his hands behind his head.

"Are you sure you're feeling alright?" She continued to question him, still not quite believing what was happening. "You haven't been drinking anymore of that contaminated water, have you?"

"Haha," he said sarcastically. "No, actually I've planned this trip for about six months now and I've been putting aside some funding for it as well."

"Mulder! You've never planned anything like this in your life," she said weakly, finally believing that he was for real.

"I know," he admitted. "It's amazing what I'm capable of when I am motivated with pleasing the woman I love." Stunned, she crossed the floor of the office and fell into his arms, breaking the 'no display of affection' rule she'd put in place for them while at work.

"If you've spent so much time, money, and energy planning this trip, I suppose I'll have to go," she said with a sigh. "It's the only logical thing to do." Mulder beamed at his wife.

"An excellent conclusion, Agent Scully. Shall I drive you home so that you can start packing?"

"You may," she said, gazing deep into his hazel-green eyes. She resolved to pack quickly, in hopes there would be time for a small love session before they had to leave for the airport.

333

_Seven hours later_

The glowing couple watched out their window as their small plane made its descent towards the airport. Scully had indeed persuaded Mulder that they had time enough for their favorite joint activity before they left - not that he needed persuading. That was one of the many good things about Mulder; he never turned down an opportunity to please her.

"What can you see outside, Scully?" Mulder asked, straining to see out the window. "Can you spot the island?"

"Yes, it's shaped like a tennis shoe," she informed him as she observed the green mass below them, her keen eyes never missing any slight detail.

"That's interesting," Mulder muttered. "What brand... Nike or Adidas?"

"Oh brother," she muttered. It was going to be a loooong trip. Scully continued to stare out the window until the plane jerked to a complete stop.

333

A cab picked them up at the airport, and drove them via Route 278 to their resort in Palmetto Dunes. The driver offered to carry their bags up to their suite at the Marriott, and Mulder tipped him generously, as he was in a very good mood.

"Look, Scully, our balcony overlooks the pool and the beach!" Mulder crowed. Scully hid a smile at his enthusiasm. She hadn't seen him this relaxed in a long time. Maybe this trip _would _be good for them.

"It's a nice view," she agreed, stepping outside to join him. Scully could care less about the pool and the beach - with her extremely fair skin, it wasn't like she'd be able to spend too much time outside under the sun's harmful rays anyway. But she was alone with Mulder, and they were a far cry away from D.C. It was their first true vacation as a couple, and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't excited about the normalcy of it all.

"So can we go to the beach now?" He asked with eager eyes. "Huh, huh, can we, can we?"

"I'm sharing a room with a five year-old," Scully muttered under her breath. "Sure, Mulder. Why don't we get changed, and then we can head down to beach." By the time Scully had rummaged around in her large suitcase for her swimsuit, her cover-up, her sandals, her towel, and her sunblock, Mulder had already put his suit on under his shorts.

"Hurry up, Scully," he teased.

"Shut up," she growled through gritted teeth, although she wasn't really irritated with him. "It takes me a bit longer to find my necessities because_ I_ brought more than one shirt for the entire trip." Mulder looked down at his faded gray Knicks T-shirt and shrugged. He didn't see what was so bad about traveling light, but then again, he wasn't a woman. Scully quickly removed her street clothes and pulled on a practical black one-piece, pleased that Mulder had been enjoying the show. She pulled on her cover up, grabbed her intriguing new Philippa Gregory novel, and followed Mulder out the door.

Once outside, the agents took the stairs that led them from the Marriott pool down to the crowded beach. They spread out their towels, plopped down their gear, and Mulder set up the beach umbrella for her. Immediately, Scully removed her cover-up and asked Mulder to spread sunblock all over her exposed skin, which he did without complaint. (She was positive he enjoyed the excuse to touch her.) All too soon, Mulder's massaging hands left her back, and Scully settled down to read.

She was so engrossed in her romance novel that she hadn't noticed the crowd of bikini-clad young women that stood close by. But the incessant, high-pitched giggling alerted the female agent to their presence. Annoyed, Scully looked up to see what they were laughing at, following their gaze straight to... _Mulder_? Scully's eyes about bugged out of her skin when she realized that her sleeping husband was sprawled out on his Star Trek towel wearing his old, small, _tight_ red speedo, which left little to the imagination. Why on earth had he decided to wear_ that_? Knowing Mulder, he probably just hadn't ever taken the time to buy any new swim trunks. But still, unknowingly or not, her husband's well muscled form had attracted other women, and Scully was not above feeling jealous.

"Ahem!" Scully cleared her throat, effectively startling the women and Mulder, who opened his eyes. "Can I help you?" She asked the women, trying to keep her tone polite and business-like.

"Is he yours?" One of the blondes asked, indicating Mulder.

"Yes," Scully said defiantly, crossing her arms as she gave them the _icy glare of death_.

"Oh," said the woman, sharing a disappointed glance with her friends. They shuffled away, but not before they leered suggestively at Mulder, who gave them a sheepish grin. He turned back to Scully and winced at her cool expression.

"I didn't do anything, Scully, I swear! I just fell asleep. It's not my fault if they think I'm irresistible."

"Oh and your choice of swimwear had nothing to do with it!" She glowered at him, and he glanced down at his speedo and shrugged.

"This is what I wore when I was on the swim team in college, and we thought it was pretty standard."

"Ugh!" Scully moaned, exasperated at him. "Normal men don't wear speedos to the beach, Mulder. Does the word 'swimtrunks' have any meaning to you?"

"I'm sorry Scully," he relented after awhile. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." She sighed.

"I just don't like it when other women ogle your assets! They're so much younger and thinner than me and..."

"Scully," he interruped. "How many of those women do you think have a brain like yours? Or could hold their own against all the monsters we've gone up against? I chose you because you're you - don't forget that."

"Thanks," she muttered, trying to push the lingering jealousy away.

"Besides, I'll bet none of those girls could tell a U.F.O. from a E.B.E." She chuckled at that, knowing he was right. Who was she to feel jealous? She was on vacation with the most wonderful, caring man in the world, one whom she loved despite his odd quirks, and she trusted him completely. With that in mind, she crawled closer to Mulder, who put his arm around her as they watched the beach-goers frolic in the surf.

333

Both Mulder and Scully forgot about the speedo incident as they occupied the rest of their day with various activities. After they had cleaned up from the beach, Mulder suggested that they go get something to eat. He took her to Giuseppi's restaurant, which boasted the best pizza on the island. Scully ordered for the both of them, and Mulder regretted it when the waiter came back with a pizza topped with of spinach, mushrooms, broccoli, and green peppers.

"Mmm, this looks good," grinned Scully, as she grabbed a piece and took a big bite. Mulder made a disgusted face, and spent the next ten minutes picking off the healthy vegetable toppings before he would eat anything. He wondered if this was Scully's payback for earlier.

Next, Scully agreed to go play miniature golf with Mulder at this overly clichéd pirate-themed place called Pirate's Island. Mulder cracked bad pirate jokes the whole time, and ended every other sentence with 'arrrr' or 'matey'. Scully grew frustrated when her golf ball always rimmed off the hole, when Mulder's almost always went in. They kept score and Mulder ended up beating her by ten points. She was not a happy loser, especially when Mulder got a hole-in-one on the eighteenth hole, winning him a free game. But Scully couldn't take another round of putt-putt, so she made Mulder give his free game 'gold' doubloon to an ecstatic nearby girl wearing a _Pirates of the Caribbean_ shirt.

After that, Mulder went along with Scully to Coligny Plaza, which boasted over fifty shops. He wasn't thrilled with her choice of activity, but he managed to perk up when he was offered free samples when they visited the world-famous Island Fudge Shoppe. While Scully browsed one of the finer jewelry stores, Mulder found a place that sold _Life is Crap_ T-shirts for ten bucks. He ended up buying the one that showed a man caught in a tractor beam of a flying saucer, which was labelled 'Space Probe'. When he showed his bargain to Scully, she was not amused, for she remembered the marks of his torture from his alien abduction only too well.

They finished the day with a meal at San Miguel's Mexican restaurant at Shelter Cove Harbor, and ate non-fat frozen yogurt cones as they watched the fireworks. (Well, Scully did. Mulder just had regular ice cream.) Despite the speedo incident, this was still the best day she'd had on vacation in a long time, thanks to Mulder. But while he'd been in the bathroom, just before the fireworks, she'd slipped into a swim shop and bought a sexy _cerulean blue_ two-piece that matched her eyes. When they returned to the hotel, Scully snuck her purchase out of her purse and into one of her drawers. She planned to wear it to the beach tomorrow, just to see what Mulder's reaction would be!

333

The following morning, Mulder surprised her with a pre-paid, one hour jet-ski trip at the South Beach Marina in Sea Pines. He even let her drive the waverunner without argument, which was surprising, considering his track record with her and rental cars. But about halfway through, he sheepishly begged her to let him drive. It was then that she learned the reason behind his generosity earlier - apparently who ever drove the waverunner ended up with agonizingly sore arms and shoulders the following day. And so they switched in the middle of the bay, a fact that Scully was thankful of the following day.

As exhausted as they were, Scully still insisted that they go to the beach, on grounds that they could just relax. So when they went back to the hotel to change, she went to the bathroom and put on her new bikini, and put a cover-up on over it, so Mulder would be none the wiser. They walked downstairs, hand in hand, and made their way to the beach.

Like the previous day, Mulder set up the beach umbrella for her, and she casually removed her cover-up. He grabbed the sunblock and went to lather her with it, when he finally realized what she was wearing.

"S-scully," he stammered. "What the..." Mulder just stared at her greedily, causing Scully to feel quite smug indeed.

"Oh, you noticed?" She asked, ever nonchalant. "I forgot to tell you, Mulder. I found a new suit yesterday while you were in the bathroom. I know it's not something I'd normally wear, but I figured what the hell - I'm on vacation. Do you like it?"

"Of course I like it!" He exclaimed. "But you already knew that, didn't you?" She nodded, her smug grin lingering as several men stopped and openly gaped at her creamy, toned body on display. Mulder noticed this right away, and protectively stepped in front of her, blocking her from the view of the men. He turned back to her, suddenly understanding how she felt yesterday.

"You got me good, Scully," he said with a sigh. She grinned at him, finally glad that they were even. "But you know what?"

"What?" She humored him.

"I bought a new suit too." He stripped off his shorts, revealing a long pair of swimtrunks, featuring little green men. Scully stifled a laugh, for he looked absolutely _ridiculous_!

"Mulder, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think prefer the speedo."

End Ch. 5


	6. Bar

Disclaimer: Mulder, and Scully don't belong to me – good ol' Chris Carter created them. The X-Files universe also belongs to 1013 Productions.

A/N: Wow, I write a oneshot about Mulder in a speedo, and suddenly my review count doubles. What's up with that?! ;)

Just warning you, this probably won't make a whole lot of sense to the X-Files fans, as it's an XF/Coupling crossover. Coupling is a hilarious britcom (similar to the American show Friends but way better for lack of a better description) that several of my friends. One of the characters, Jeff Murdock, is an X-File in himself.

This oneshot alludes to happenings in the first season episode Fire, where we get to meet Mulder's old Oxford flame Phoebe Greene. (I like her almost as much as I like Diana Fowley.)

WillsElizabeth, yes I did buy that TV Guide, and I love the new pictures of David and Gillian, as well as the article about the movie even though it doesn't reveal much.

This oneshot is dedicated to Bea, who got me hooked on Coupling in the first place!

Warning: This one is much sillier than usual, and it's a hard T for humorous sexual references! I blame Jeff.

333

Bar

333

_London__, England__ 9:25 pm_

Special Agents Mulder and Scully had been assigned to the Murdock case once again. The bureau had flown them to the United Kingdom in hopes that they could somehow subdue the man before he became a matter of global security. Neither country wanted Jeff Murdock to share his alien abduction experience with the world and blow the cover of The Project. But what the American and British governments _didn't_ know is that Mulder was secretly trying to help Jeff uncover the truth behind his experiences and share it with the world.

During their last meeting, Jeff had confided in Mulder that aliens had once fit him with a sort of 'truth helmet', which translated humans' actual words into what they were _really_ thinking. According to Jeff, the aliens hadn't abducted him; they had just visited him in his home. Understandably, Jeff had been brutally traumatized by experiencing the Truth Helmet first hand, especially once he realized that all humans were a bunch of habitual liars, cruel critics, and sex fiends. He'd wanted Mulder and Scully to expose the truth about his experience, but so far they had been unsuccessful since Jeff hadn't been able to provide any solid proof. But now it had happened again, and he was proving to be increasingly unstable.

Mulder and Scully checked into their hotel, unpacked, and settled in as best they could. Unfortunately, Scully's stomach was bothering her so their investigation had to be tabled for awhile. Mulder did his best to make her comfortable – he drew her a warm bath and bathed her while she tried to relax against him. Once she was clean, Mulder toweled her off and helped her into bed. Since she wasn't in the mood for his trademark sarcasm, he didn't even crack a joke about what hotel rooms are good for. (He knew that would come later, once she was feeling back to normal.) Mulder crawled into bed beside her and pulled her into his arms.

"Mulder," she muttered. "I'm fine. You should go and meet with Jeff."

"No, Scully," he said. "I don't want to leave you when you are feeling like this." She rolled her eyes.

"Mulder," she sighed. "I'm not dying! Please, go talk to Jeff. You wasted enough time helping me already. Don't let me hold you back!"

"You've never held me back, Scully," he insisted, gently kissing her forehead. "Without your rationalizations, I would've lost my mind long ago." She smiled at that.

"I appreciate your concern, but I still want you to go meet with Jeff. We don't have a lot of time here, and it would make me feel better if went ahead and started the investigation."

"Well... if you're sure," he said, uncertain.

"I'm positive! And I'll be feeling better in no time," she reassured him. "Now, GO."

"I'll be back as soon as I can," he promised, getting up from the bed.

"Don't worry about me," she said. "As long as you don't take a side trip to Oxford to visit the tomb of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle…" Mulder rolled his eyes.

"I wouldn't do that, Scully. Not without you with me." And with a mischievous grin, he left the room leaving Scully in a state of anticipation.

333

_Bruce's Bar and Grill, 9:55 pm_

Mulder had contacted Jeff, and agreed to meet him at a London hotspot to discuss his experiences. He'd been told that Jeff would be reading a newspaper, sitting at the bar. So, when Mulder entered the bar, he approached the person sitting at the bar believing it to be Jeff. He couldn't have been more wrong.

"Oh, hello there!" The brunette squeaked, smiling prettily at him as she set the newspaper aside and extended her hand. "I'm Jane. You have a very nice penis."

"Excuse me?" Mulder raised his eyebrows. Never in his life had he met a girl this forward. But then it dawned on him that the woman had been thinking car, but penis had just slipped out.

"You do," Jane insisted. "I saw you drive up here, and I must say, the dating agency did a fabulous job sending _you_!"

"I think you meant to say car." Mulder winced, wondering if he'd made a mistake of gargantuan proportions by talking to this woman.

"That's what I said," said Jane, flipping her hair and leaning closer to Mulder.

"I'm sorry, there's been a mix-up," Mulder apologized, and Jane's pretty face fell. "I'm not from a dating agency. I'm from the FBI, and I'm here to meet Jeff Murdock. Do you know him?"

"Oh, Jeff!" Jane perked up again. "Yes, he's a good mate of mine. I'm just holding his spot while he's in the loo."

"I see," said Mulder, relieved that he would get to meet Jeff after all. Jane continued to hit on him, making his experience at the bar one that he wouldn't care to remember. Luckily for Mulder, he didn't have to wait too long.

"Agent Mulder!" Jeff exclaimed after returning from the loo with toilet paper stuck to his right shoe. "It's so good to see you!" He ran up and gave Mulder a hug, which the agent reluctantly returned. "I see you've met Jane."

"Uh, yes," said Mulder, looking over at the brunette as she flirted with another man. "She thinks I have a nice car." Jeff sighed, and took a big swig of his beer.

"It's happening to me again."

"What exactly is happening, Jeff?" Mulder asked, leaning forward to show he was all ears.

"It's the truth helmet," moaned Jeff. "I just broke up with my girlfriend Julia, and we had been working together so I decided to try a different job, one that didn't remind me so much of her. But ever since I've started my new job, at certain times of the day, all I hear from people is the truth, their thoughts that they wouldn't want others to hear. It's not very good for my self-esteem," he added unnecessarily.

"It sounds like the phenomenon could be brought on by your new job," Mulder mused. "Where is it that you work?" Jeff wrote down an address and Mulder promised to visit the following day. Just then, Jeff's cell rang and he had to answer it.

"…that was my friend Steve," said Jeff, after he'd hung up. "He's having a bit of an small emergency and I have to help him out."

"But I still need to ask you more questions!" Mulder frowned at Jeff.

"You can ask me tomorrow. Agent Mulder, you don't understand; Steve and I are best mates. We're so close that we're porn buddies." Mulder coughed.

"So you and this Steve are…"

"No!" Jeff exclaimed. "Porn buddies means that if one of us dies, the other has to go to his flat and remove all the porn before his parents arrive. I know it's a rather strange concept to wrap your head around, but-"

"No, that I actually understand," Mulder admitted. "I have three friends like that of my own. When I committed to my partner, one of them got to keep all my porn. But anyway… you'll meet me here tomorrow?"

"Yeah, same time, same place," said Jeff with a nod. Then the Brit took off, leaving Mulder all alone with Jane, who was starting to creep him out with all of her staring. Needless to say, Mulder hightailed it out of there, eager to return to Scully.

333

_The following morning, Man Test Agency_

"I'm so glad you're feeling better, Scully," said Mulder as they arrived at the work address that Jeff had supplied for him.

"Me too," she said. "Last night wasn't much fun, at least not until you came back."

They got out of the car, and as they walked into the looming office building before them, Mulder made sure to put his hand around the small of her back. Once inside, they went straight to the receptionist's desk to inquire about Jeff.

"May I help you?" The receptionist asked politely. Mulder and Scully casually flipped open their FBI badges.

"We don't mean to bother you, m'am, but we're here to inquire about Jeff Murdock," said Scully.

"Jeff…Jeff…hmm," the woman muttered, trying to remember. "Oh!" She cried. "_Scary Jeff._ Yes, we've had some complains about him. He hasn't been very effective at his job."

"I- I'm sorry, but what exactly is it that Jeff does?" Mulder asked.

"His job is to document and execute the Man Test to perfection," was the receptionist's vague answer. "We've not being very satisfied with his performance."

"Wait a minute…man test? What's that?" Mulder asked, an inexplicable feeling of foreboding materializing in the pit of his stomach.

"Here at Man Test Agency we pride ourselves on discovering how faithful a man truly is to his woman," the receptionist explained. "For example, a woman is getting suspicious about her man's fidelity so she calls us. We send a beautiful woman to meet the man in question for a drink, and her job is to try to seduce him. If the man refuses, then he has passed the Man Test. If not, the wife or partner receives a fully detailed report about the goings-on of their man's indiscretion."

"Huh, sounds like a useful service," said Scully, nodding.

"Useful!" Mulder scoffed, staring at Scully in surprise. "It's unfair to catch a man by surprise like that!"

"Why is it unfair?" Scully glared at her husband. "All the man has to do is politely refuse. It's not that hard."

"It's not hard now that I'm with you," said Mulder, meaning every word. "But still, unless the man is involved in a meaningful relationship, it would be very hard for him to resist if a woman is willing."

"That seems to tally with our results," the receptionist agreed. Then Scully frowned.

"I thought you only send out _women_ to test the faithfulness of men. How could Jeff… I mean, unless there's something we don't know about him…" The receptionist laughed.

"No. I forgot to mention earlier that Jeff is a founding member of our Woman Test division. So many husbands have called about wanting to return the favor and send a man to test their wife's faithfulness so we decided to incorporate that suggestion."

"Now that's more like it," said Mulder, nodding with approval.

"_Mulder_," his partner hissed.

"What?" He cried, crossing his arms. "I thought you were all about equality between the sexes. Fair is fair, Scully."

"Oh brother," she sighed.

"You two make a cute couple," chuckled the receptionist. "But I didn't think the FBI - or any agency for that matter - allowed partners to become involved with each others." Mulder smiled charmingly at the woman, who smiled back.

"Thank you for your time – you've been very helpful." And with that, he and Scully walked out of the building before the receptionist could question them any further.

333

"You know, I have a theory about Jeff and his truth helmet," said Mulder as they drove back to the hotel.

"Oh yeah?" Scully asked. "Because I'm stumped."

"You didn't get to talk to him, Scully. He told me he had just broken up with his girlfriend when he agreed to work for Man Test."

"So?"

"So, what if his job makes him extremely nervous and the stress from it produces the effects of the truth helmet?" Scully frowned.

"Mulder, are you bullshitting me?"

"No," he sighed. "It just seems to me that Jeff gets rather uptight around attractive women that he doesn't know. This one time, he said by accident he told a beautiful woman that he had a wooden leg."

"A wooden _leg_? How is that significant?"

"It's not," he said, rolling his eyes. "Look, I just think that we need to create the conditions that Jeff is in when he's working to test my theory. I already have an appointment with him tonight at a bar to ask him some more questions. What if you –"

"No way, Mulder," she said, shaking her head.

"You didn't even let me finish," pouted her partner. "Scully, you could at least pretend not to be way ahead of me." Scully snorted.

"I have better things to do than inflate your ego."

"Fair enough," he brooded. "Are you sure you, Scully? You'd be good for the job." She frowned.

"Are you saying that I make men nervous?" Mulder shrugged.

"I was nervous the first time I met you." She laughed at that, not believing him.

"Were you really?" He nodded.

"You had brains and beauty, Scully. How could I not be nervous?"

"But you didn't seem nervous at all! I was the nervous one," she insisted. "You were cool and collected."

"I don't think cool and I are allowed to be in the same sentence," he deadpanned. "Now hot, on the other hand…"

"Mulder, you really think I could try and seduce Jeff without him recognizing me?"

"I think so, yeah," he said. "We'll just have to find you a spectacular wig."

333

_Bruce's Bar and Grill, 10:12 pm_

"Scully, you go in first," said Mulder as he parked their car. "I don't want Jeff to think that we came in together."

"And then you'll come over five minutes later, and ask Jeff some questions all the while recording his conversation," she said. Mulder nodded. "Alright, I think I'm ready." She winced. "Mulder, I feel like I'm betraying us."

"Scully, I'm the one that asked you to try and seduce him," said her husband, chuckling. "We have to provoke the effects of the truth helmet, and this is the quickest way to do it!"

"Fine," she sighed. "But you'd better reward me for this later – Jeff isn't exactly my type."

"I promise you, Scully, you will be rewarded most generously," Mulder said in a low voice. Not trusting herself to keep her hands off of Mulder after that, Scully got out of the car and entered the bar.

Mulder waited for about five minutes before exiting the car. He was about to go inside the bar when someone ran into him.

"Oh, sorry mate," drawled the other man as they dusted themselves off. "I wasn't watching… hey! You're a good-looking bloke." Mulder winced, and backed away slowly.

"I'm afraid I don't swing that way."

"You misunderstand, I'm not gay!" The man protested. "I was just thinking that you would be perfect to test my girlfriend. You see there's this thing now called Man Test…"

"Yes, I know all about that," said Mulder, relaxing now.

"Well my girlfriend Susan has threatened to go to Man Test," said the man. He sounded miserable to Mulder, wondering what he'd done to deserve such a thing. "And so, just to make things, you know, equal, I've decided to do the same for her."

"I don't think I can help you," said Mulder. "I'm happily married, and-"

"Please! I beg you," said the man. "Just bloody once I'd like Steve to best Susan at something."

"And I take it you're Steve?" The man sighed.

"You Yanks aren't very smart, are you?" Mulder frowned at that. He had been feeling compassion for this guy, as Steve reminded him a bit of himself before he married Scully. But he wasn't so sure if he wanted to do this guy a favor.

"Do you want to do me a favor or not?"

"Yes," said Steve. He let Mulder look through the window into the bar. "That's Susan over there – the one with the tiny bottom."

"How very informative," Mulder said dryly, deciding to take pity on the poor man. "Look, I can't pretend to seduce your girlfriend for long. I have a meeting with the man wearing the profoundly bad Hawaiian shirt who is sitting at the bar."

"Wait, that's Jeff!" Steve exclaimed.

"Yeah, I know," said Mulder. _Was this guy a total retard?_

"Jeff's my best mate!"

"That makes total sense," said Mulder, nodding. This guy _would_ be friends with Jeff. "Porn buddies, right?" Steve paled at that.

"How could you know that?"

"In my line of work, I make it my business to know," Mulder said seriously. He then brushed by Steve and entered the bar.

"Hello again!" Mulder was immediately ambushed again by Jane, who was sounding extra perky. "I was hoping you would come back here to see me."

"Actually, I'm looking for someone named Susan," said Mulder. "Do you know her?" Jane burst into tears.

"She's over th-there," the brunette blubbered, pointing to a table on the opposite side of the room. "Men_ always _pick Susan over me – I don't understand it!" Mulder rolled his eyes and somehow expertly maneuvered his way around Jane. He vowed only to talk to Susan for a couple minutes, so that he could get back to Scully and Jeff.

333

_Meanwhile_

Scully, who was sporting a blonde wig, was trying hard not to laugh and spoil the seduction with Jeff. The man was a bundle of nerves! The second she had made a move towards the bar, his face seized up in fear.

"Hi there," said Scully as she took a seat next to a shaking Jeff.

"H-h-hippo," said Jeff, blushing as he realized he'd said the wrong word. "Would- would you like me to buy you a d-drink?" Scully grinned. She was getting a free drink out of this guy – excellent.

"Sure, cutie." She winked at Jeff, moving closer to him than he might want.

"So," said Jeff, drumming his fingers on the bar. "What do you like?" Scully frowned.

"What do I like?"

"Yes, well, I mean," Jeff stammered, "what do you like to do for fun?"

"The same thing any woman my age likes to do." Jeff's eyes grew wide at that. Scully decided to let his imagination run away with him. "I like to spend time with certain men. I like to relax and take bubble baths. I like to-"

"Are you up for a bubble bath, then?" Jeff asked.

"Not right now, I've already showered," said Scully, biting her lip to keep from laughing. "Why?"

"I just I really like… like to bathe." Jeff blushed when he realized what he'd accidentally implied.

"You like to bathe." Scully repeated. "Do you have a phobia of germs?"

"No," said Jeff. "I'm fine with germs. They exist, right? So I just leave them alone most of the time." He laughed nervously. "I just really like bathing because you get to see yourself naked."

"Right," said Scully. "Jeff, you know you don't need to be nervous around me. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just a woman looking for the right man." _Except I've already found him, _she thought.

"I'm not nervous," Jeff scoffed. "I'm perfectly fine talking with women. Women are great. Do you know why? Because they have _breasts_."

"That's true," said Scully, shifting her arms to cover her chest. "We do have breasts."

"Oh God, I'm sorry!" Jeff cried. "I only now realized that you _are _a woman!"

"I'm sorry?" Scully asked, insulted. "You thought I looked like a man before? Jeff, is there something you aren't telling me?" _Say something rational for once,_ Jeff thought. _Don't make up a stupid lie - that never works. _ Bur instead, Jeff blurted out a half-truth.

"I was abducted by aliens," he squeaked. Suddenly Scully's demeanor changed considerably.

"Oh, _Jeff_," she sympathized, patting his knee. "How horrible! I know what you must be going through right now. I know because I'm an abductee myself."

"Are you really?" Jeff asked, interested. "What was it like?"

"You would know since you were abducted," said Scully, raising her eyebrows. "Don't you remember?"

"I- no. I don't," said Jeff, sweating now. "I can't remember a thing because they wiped my memory. And before that they drilled my teeth and probed my anus. I don't think I'll ever be normal again after that."

"Oh Jeffrey, you're so brave!" Scully gushed, and pulled him in for a big hug. "We have so much to talk about..."

333

_Other side of the room_

Mulder had found the woman who matched Susan's description, and went to sit with her and her friends.

"Are you Susan?" Mulder asked.

"I am," responded the bewitching blonde. "Who are you?" Mulder thought she was indeed pretty, but that she didn't have anything on Scully. He doubted Scully spent half as much time on her hair and make-up.

"My name is Fox Mulder and I'm with the FBI. Can I ask you a few questions?"

"Sure, okay," said Susan, flipping her hair as she scrutinized him. Not a bad looking fellow, not at all. But she wouldn't betray Steve, as she cared for him very much. She cared enough to accept his faults, his infernal Inferno videos, his rants about furniture, his time spent with the playstation… the list never ended. In the old days, she would've had Mulder without a second thought, but now that she had Steve, it was different.

Mulder took a seat on one of the couches and Susan introduced him to the people she was sitting with. "This is my best friend Sally, and my ex who is still my friend, Patrick." There were handshakes all around before Mulder could explain what he was doing there.

"I was going to ask you some questions about Jeff, but first there's something I need to clear up with Susan." He explained the situation with Steve, and suggested that they work on their trust.

"Trust is very important," said Patrick, agreeing with Mulder.

"What do you know of trust?" Sally scoffed. "Your version of trust is trusting that the woman you're shagging is using contraceptives!"

"Pretty much," said Patrick, looking unabashed.

Just about that time, Mulder decided he'd had enough of Susan's friends and decided to check on Scully. He found them embracing each other, and Mulder's jealousy flared up for a moment, but then dissipated when he remembered that he had nothing to worry about. After all, it was _Jeff_.

"Excuse me," said Mulder. "Jeff, did I come at a bad time?"

"No, you can stay," said Jeff. "I think she will understand when I tell you my story. She's been abducted by aliens too!"

"You don't say," said Mulder, not daring to look at Scully.

"Why don't we go sit with my friends?" Jeff offered. "There's more room to sit over there anyway."

"Sounds fine," said Mulder. Scully held Jeff's hand as they walked over to the couches.

"Everybody, this is Agent Mulder," said Jeff. "And this is…" He stared at Scully, embarrassed he hadn't thought to ask her name.

"I'm Phoebe Greene," said Scully, saying the first name that came to mind thanks to Mulder's little quip about Arthur Conan Doyle. "It's very good to meet all of Jeff's friends."

33333 Truth Helmet 3333333

"You would make a great addition to my video collection of love, Phoebe," said Patrick with a grin. "I can see why Jeff wants to get in your pants."

"I do want to get in your pants," Jeff admitted. "I've been fantasizing about it for about five minutes."

"I'm not surprised at all," said Scully. "You certainly seem to fit the profile of the Horney Beast."

"Personally, I think you would look wonderful in a nurse's uniform," said Patrick.

"Thank you," Scully replied. "It's nice to see that you regard women as objects. But I only put out for certain men."

"I see," said Patrick, stunned by the rejection. "Who do you put out for?" He turned to face Mulder.

"She's shagging Agent Mulder, I just know it," gasped Sally at her sudden revelation.

"Truly?" Susan asked, interested now. "What's that like?"

"It's pretty much phenomenal when he holds out," said Scully. "He's very gifted in bed. No other man could satisfy me."

"I could," said Patrick, nodding. "I'm ten inches."

"How would you like for me to make you a eunuch if you don't stop coming on to my wife?" Mulder asked politely.

"Oh, don't be like that with Patrick," whined Jane, who had appeared from nowhere. "He's got a fabulous penis."

"You are stuck on penises, aren't you?" Scully asked.

"Not right now, silly," Jane laughed. "I don't think it's right to get stuck in public."

"Jane, stop acting like a perverted nutter," said Steve, going to stand over by Susan.

"Patrick please. Marry me," sighed Sally.

"Steve, will you please give your pornos to Jeff!" Susan scolded her boyfriend. "I can't stand it that you're comparing me to those whores."

"Susan, I don't compare you to them," Steve insisted. "I only watch them when you aren't around. Shouldn't that count for something?"

"Apparently!" Susan said frostily.

"I really like breasts," said Jeff with a goofy grin on his face. "I have lots of words for them too."

"Hey Scul - Phoebe, I think that Jeff may be the link between human and alien life that we've been searching for!" Mulder crowed. "The Truth Helmet is out there!"

"Mulder let's get the hell out of here," said Scully, giving Patrick a fake smile. "These people make me want to shoot something. And besides, I have something in mind for tonight." Mulder's eyes grew large.

"Wow, my car just started."

33333 End Truth Helmet 3333333333

"It was really nice to meet all of you, but Mulder and I should be going," said Scully.

"Hey, we're back to telling the truth again!" Jeff realized. "That's so weird."

"The truth helmet is real," Mulder whispered. "Fear it, Scully!"

"Wait, she's Agent Scully?!" Jeff turned bright red at that.

"Yes," Scully apologized, and removed her wig so that Jeff could see her red hair.

"Agent Mulder," Jeff whimpered, "you know I would never-"

"Don't worry about it, Jeff," Mulder said firmly. "I told her to do it."

"I don't understand," Jeff frowned.

"Perhaps you will one day," said Scully. "When we publish our findings with Mulder's recording what we said while under the control of the Truth Helmet." The agents bid Jeff and his friends goodbye and returned to the car. Scully raced to the driver's seat, and Mulder just shrugged and got into the passenger seat. It took Mulder a bit to realize that they were in fact driving away from their hotel.

"Scully, I hate to tell you this, but-"

"I know, Mulder," she placated him. "We're going in the opposite direction, but there is a reason for that."

"You want to run up an enormous gas bill to spite the Bureau?"

"No," she laughed. "We're going straight to Oxford, and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's grave. You can make a new and better memory there."

"I love you, Scully," he breathed. They kissed at while stopped at a traffic signal, and thanked the powers above that he'd ended up with someone as adventurous as his wife. With Scully around, he had no need for porn. What he had with Scully was deeper than just physical attraction. Their souls were bonded together with trust, love, and devotion, and Mulder knew he'd never want another as long as they lived. He hoped that Steve's relationship would someday reach what he had with his beautiful Dana Scully.

The End

A/N: Thanks for reading! I'm SO EXCITED about the XF movie and that I get to see it at midnight on the twenty-fifth. I really hope that all of you go and see it at least once because it will be awesome! TV Guide said that Mulder and Scully's love story is the main theme of the movie. Like I said, _awesome_.

I. WANT. TO. BELIEVE.


	7. Sleeping Bag

Disclaimer: Mulder, and Scully don't belong to me – good ol' Chris Carter created them. The X-Files universe also belongs to 1013 Productions.

333

Sleeping Bag

333

_11:21 AM_

_F.B.I headquarters, DC_

"Camping, Mulder?" Scully stared at her partner, gracing him with her famous Scully frown of disapproval. "I just don't see the appeal."

"Aw, come on, Scullee," he whined, dipping back in his chair. "It will be fun!"

"How can staying out all night in the cold, being bitten by all various species of insects, and going without a shower be fun?" She wondered. "Mulder, I've been 'camping' with you before, and we ended up almost being eaten by that red-eyed monster. Remember?"

"I remember," he said. "But that was a bad experience. Camping in the woods is supposed to be an adventure! Let me show you how it's really supposed to be. Please?" Scully stared into the depths of his green eyes and was lost. How could she say no to that face?

"Oh alright," she sighed, giving in. She winced, thinking of all the packing she would have to do. "But don't expect me to enjoy it."

333

_3:23 PM_

_Waziata Campgrounds_

Mulder and Scully were eventually able to find the place, getting lost only once because Mulder insisted on going by the map and not stopping to ask for directions. They ended up going a half an hour out of their way until Scully insisted that they pull over at a gas station. With the right directions given to them by the attendent, they found the campsite in no time.

Once they arrived, the park ranger showed the agents to their campsite and left them to fend for themselves in the wild. Mulder busied himself with raising their tent while Scully unpacked their car. The couple spent the day relaxing in the nearby lake, just enjoying nature without the presence of monsters or UFOs for a change.

For dinner, Mulder roasted hot dogs and marshmallows over the fire that he and Scully had made. Scully refused to eat a hot dog, and roasted a tofu dog instead. After the sun went down, the temperature dropped abruptly, causing Scully to grab her sweatshirt.

"Mulder, aren't you cold?" She asked, shivering in her sweatshirt as she hugged herself for warmth.

"Nah," he said, scooting closer to her. "I didn't even bother to bring a jacket."

"Why the hell not?" She demanded. "Mulder, you're going to freeze tonight! You won't be able to get any sleep because your muscles will grow tense with cold."

"I didn't bring a jacket because I have a better means of staying warm." He jumped up excitedly, and ran to their car, and pulled out a lumpy blue bundle. "Here we are, Scully!"

"A sleeping bag - I should've known," she chuckled.

"This baby will keep us warm through temperatures as low as 27 degrees fahrenheit," he informed her as he unrolled it and put it inside the tent. "And then there's also my body heat. You won't be hot tonight, Scully. At least not temperature-wise."

"Mulder," she groaned. "Really. We can't do it in the woods! What if someone hears us?" He rolled his eyes.

"What if I asked nicely?" Scully allowed a tiny smile to show on her face. How she loved giving him a hard time! Once Mulder had suggested camping, she'd thought of nothing else beside sharing a sleeping bag with him at night and what that would lead to. Now _that _sounded appealing! Suddenly, camping shot up way up on her fun-o-meter.

"Perhaps," she mused. "Will you beg for it, Mulder?" He gaped at her, stunned by her suggestion.

"Dammit, Scully. Why do I have to beg? I can see now that you aren't opposed to the idea." She laughed.

"Of course I'm not opposed to it." Mulder sighed.

"Fine - here it goes. Oh great and beautiful Dana, goddess of sex, will you do me the honor of accompanying me into our sleeping bag tonight so I can ravish you senseless?" She giggled at that, for he sounded more sarcastic than anything. Plus his word choice was lame at best.

"Mulder, has anyone ever told you that you're a dork?"

"A couple times, yeah," he admitted. She frowned. "Okay, more than a couple times." He pouted at her, and she wondered if he was just putting her on. Probably. But just in case...

"You're the biggest dork I've ever known - save for any of the Gunmen - and I love you for it." Scully grabbed her partner and yanked him toward the tent with surprising force.

"It didn't rain sleeping bags tonight," she panted, "but you're still getting lucky." Mulder prayed to whatever God might be listening, thanking him for getting to become one with Scully out in the woods.

Afterwards, Scully fell asleep nestled in Mulder's arms inside their cozy sleeping bag. As far as she was concerned, the camping trip had been a complete success!

End Ch. 7

Haha that one was a short little thing I wrote during work! (Don't tell my boss.) Well, I gotta go prepare for tonight's midnight showing! Gotta stock up on sunflower seeds and candy and all that good stuff. I just know I'm going to absolutely love it. If David Duchovny said that he and Gillian nailed their performances, then they nailed it! X-Philes rule!


End file.
